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We want to feel like we're loved as much as we love, but sometimes it's hard not to feel like we're giving more than we're getting in our relationships. Whether it's us reaching out more, giving more, calling more, or simply caring more, even if there's not an imbalance, feeling like there is can spell death to a couple. Having the upper hand in a relationship means holding more control over the day-to-day and ultimate outcome of the relationship. Our romantic side hopes that relationships will never be about who holds the power, but the truth is the struggle to maintain a balance is always there, and no relationship is truly equal, making for unhealthy power dynamics.
If you want to be an adult in a relationship then you shouldn't resort to "not texting him," "playing hard to get," etc. They may work for a little while but why would you want to date someone who plays those kinds of games. And if you were dating someone who was confident in themselves, they would never allow those games to be played and would just walk away, as they should.
The most important thing in any relationship is confidence. If you have confidence and believe in yourself, then you don't need to play games and you will keep the upper hand. Relationship Coach Keith Dent says, "A man will take what you give him. For example, if one of your pet peeves is that you expect for your partner to check-in if he is going to be late, and you don't verbalize that to him, he won't just do it on his own unless that's his thing. If that is your requirement for the relationship to work you have to make sure you hold him able.
Remember: a man is a fabulous addition to your life, not someone who should complete you. You should love and complete yourself, with or without a man. Dent warns, "You don't want to always be available when he needs you. That's a recipe for being taken for granted," he continues, "A How to gain power in a relationship wants to know you will challenge him and part of that challenge means having more things going on besides him. If you want a guy to want and respect you, be your own person, says Sinclaire. Have your own hobbies and your own friends, and show him that you're comfortable being in your own skin, doing your own things.
Don't ever appear needyas that's a huge turn-off. Do How to gain power in a relationship allow yourself to be a doormat.
If your partner upsets you or you feel as though you're being taken advantage of, it's imperative to make your feelings known. If you don't, you lost the upper hand. I get it, in the beginning, you can't help but want to be around that person. A guy will want you a lot more if you give him his space and vice versa.
If you insist on spending too much time with someone, it's a quick way to lose them. Giving someone their space shows you're not needy and you're your own person. Then be very clear about your expectations. A loss of control isn't the end of the world. Open and honest conversations can bring balance back to healthy relationships. Aly Walansky is a NY-based lifestyle writer whose work appears in dozens of digital and print publications regularly. Find her on Twitter or her for more information. in. YourTango Experts. Photo: getty images. Aly Walansky. Subscribe to our newsletter.
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